Only Real Men Eat Real Bacon

Today, I noticed that grocers have hit rock bottom, now selling FAKE BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY, that is just crossing the line. This "microwavable" bacon is an unholy beast built upon lies and sacrilege. It is offending to bacon-kind everywhere. M-wave bacon WILL BE THE CAUSE OF THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. I have predicted this using my bacon sense ( extra grease!) and the sheer knowledge of the bacon gods ( pig, fat, and grease). They have given me facts about the history of bacon; did you know B. A. Con, a famous Baconeese inventor / part time chef created bacon by accidentally chopping a pig fillet and its fat into a heated pan? Years later Kevin Bacon got famous by selling bacon flavored chocolate ,he later got into acting and has performed in multiple films including Baconers, Baconloose, and Bacon First Class. It's men and women like these that have secured bacons fame; yet a new threat arises. It's up to you to not buy microwaveable bacon and to eat bacon daily to survive and prevent the Zombie Apocalypse.